We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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