I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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