your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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