I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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