did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
