I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize