At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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