I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
