My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
