I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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