How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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