He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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