I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
