I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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