Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
