last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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