pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize