You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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