and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
