i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my poor anus
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
