Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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