Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
