Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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