NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He better not be in your backpack
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
