Kiss
Puke
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
