the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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