I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
