I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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