i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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