His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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