Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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