i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No subtext here. People are naked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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