Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
