her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
