she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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