grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
