that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
