Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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