true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
