Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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