I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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