Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
