she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
