is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
