I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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