Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
