what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
