i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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