If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize