I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
