No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
