Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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