tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
