I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
