we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
