I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
