she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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