After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
