Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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