3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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