the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
