My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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