If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
