the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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