Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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