Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
