this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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