so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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