i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
