Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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