how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
