FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
