Are we in a gay sports bar?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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